020: Quit or stick? Which one, when things get tough?

Howdy folks,

How do you know when to continue or when to stop when things feel tough?

This is something I've been thinking about over the past week.

What I'm trying to figure out is can you find a way to tell if something is worth the effort or not?

Because I believe we are all left with this question in life

And it can creep up anywhere

It can be in your job, education, hobby, exercise, or relationships this question pops up whenever things get tougher.

Should I keep on going?

And it's a great question to ask yourself.

Because if you are not happy, struggling or having fun. It's okay to ask the question.

Do I really need to do this at all?

Asking this question is the start of opening up new possibilities.

And at least, if you find an answer to that question. Then it will either give you the strength to continue doing it or you can decide to stop.

So the question still is there.

How can you know, if you should continue or stop?

I've been thinking about this over the past week and I think the answer lies within value-based commitment.

I'll chat with you a bit about where this has come up for me in the hope of explaining the idea.

If you are currently in a situation where you just don't know what to do.

Then I hope you will get some extra tools of thought to help navigate your own decision.

I'll give you a bit of background on me and my situation and then leave you with a few points that you can try out yourself at the end.

So here's the thing for those who don't know me.

I believe my superpower is my ability to not settle if I'm not happy or enjoying myself.

It was this ability that pushed me out into the digital nomad life.

It wasn't through a place where I was happy and comfortable that I decided to do this.

I was unhappy, struggling, physically, and mentally and all in all, lost and confused.

But my superpower (which sneakily took the form of super anxiety).

Took me down a path that made me realise the life I was living wasn't one that was making me happy.

And that I needed to make a big shift and find a new path to a life that would be good for me.

The superpower I have is a low tolerance for not feeling good.

But like all superheroes, my superpower is my biggest weakness.

The ability to realise I'm not happy and quickly make moves to help myself.

Is a blessing and a curse.

Because anytime things start to get tough, difficult or I feel discomfort or unhappiness.

My brain goes straight to thinking if this is the right way forward or not.

This is great at times when I genuinely need to make a change.

But other times.

Things might just be tough in the moment but I still need to keep going and do the thing.

I hope this isn't too confusing and abstract. Let me try to explain better through examples.

I'll explain how the value-based commitment works and hopefully, the idea might apply to your life too.

The life I had in Ireland was great on paper. But I just wasn't happy. Physically, mentally and just my soul was running on empty.

After some time I knew I couldn't keep this up and something had to change.

Learning about digital nomads instantly ignited a spark in me that led me down a new path where I could focus.

I researched, watched videos, listened to podcasts, and read books all about how to become a digital nomad.

I needed to figure out how to make money. How much does it cost? Where do you go? Are there more people who do this?

But the more questions I asked the more I realised that the idea of becoming a digital nomad gave me a spark of life.

It was the North Star that I was looking for and by having this dream. I was able to handle my day-to-day life better.

If I was struggling with work, life, family and relationships or just the anxiety I had then.

Having my North Star helped keep me grounded and moving forward.

Because to me the idea of being a digital nomad held so much value.

I saw this as a way to have more free time, live anywhere I wanted, be my own boss, meet new people and just decide life on my own terms.

It was these beliefs that helped settle my head when doubts crept in.

You know the - what the hell are you doing? - thoughts. You don't know anyone who's done this. This is so weird. What if it all doesn't work?

These doubts stayed all up until I left and lasted for months and years after too.

Because it's hard to get out of your comfort zone and do something you feel is different or think other people would see as different.

So the doubts never disappeared.

But the value-based commitment kept me going even when I was just living off all savings and working 7-day weeks not making much at all.

Okay, so that's my biggest example but the same applies to all areas big or small. Do I eat this or not? Do I work on this or not? Do I go commit to the exercise or not?

I'd say this is the foundation of all my life design practices

No matter where you look in your life.

You will have to ask yourself the same quesiton.

Are the values big enough to keep you committed even though it is difficult?

No matter if. You want to lose weight. Change your diet. Change jobs. Be a digital nomad.

Whatever it is. Why do you want to do it?

Like really ask yourself.

Ask yourself the same question 5 times to find the deeper and deeper reasons.

Because if you want that thing. You've got to have some great reasons to commit to a path that might not be that easy.

But whenever you have defined your values.

You've made them clear, they feel real and strong to you personally.

That's where you pull that inner strength from whenever you don't want to do the thing.

For me to become a digital nomad was because I valued fredom. That was enough to get me through the times of no money and debt.

I'll give some examples which might be more relevant.

You want to lose weight. Because you value your longevity in life. You want to do your best to live a long life and be there for your family, and partner. Or you don't want to be unable in body in later life. So that's why you choose to eat a certain way or exercise today.

Changing jobs. Because you value your happiness, joy and well-being. That you being in a better mood that you can give to friends, family, partner etc

I'd even say that sometimes we put too much importance on other people's values that it gets us into these situations in the first place

We value people's opinions about our job, life, education, and appearance. That can lead us down a path where we might be today. Feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and not our best selves.

I hope there are some ideas in there that are useful.

Here's are some ideas to sum it up

• Values Based Commitment is how you navigate things you do. It is the North Star to the ups and downs.

• Ask yourself 5 whys. Unhappy or unsure about what you're doing? This is a way to find your core values or reasons you want to do something in the first place.

• Prepare yourself/manage expectations. Change isn't always easy. It can get tough because you are doing something new or different. But if you have your why use them and look at them to be the reason why you keep on doing the thing.

• Learn to let go. If you look at your why's. And they just don't seem worth it for what you are doing. Well, it's either your why isn't strong enough or maybe you shouldn't be doing that thing.

So the question we started with.

Quit or stick? Which one when things get tough.

The answer lies in the why.

The why is the biggest question to it all, and that's why Simon Sinek came out with the book Start with Why.

(I've never said that many whys in a sentence before)

Let me know what your thoughts are and if you're currently doing something that has a big why attached or if you're still trying to figure it out.

I'd love to hear your thoughts

For me personally, I'm feeling this with content creation and the new work I'm doing.

I'm trying to create a life where I get to work and create things that I love and brings me joy every day.

E-commerce has brought me this digital nomad lifestyle which I love and am so grateful for.

But it's not work that really makes me shine and full of joy. So this is what I'm working on right now.

I want to wake up every day. Design, create and build new ideas, businesses, and videos, write and create products.

All while having fun and enjoying every little bit of the process.

Because work, money and creating value for the world are what we spend most of our time doing.

So I'm committing to finding a way to enjoy the time I work as much as I enjoy the time outside of it.

It's my why and what keeps me committed to what I'm doing at the moment. Creating content, and sharing ideas even when it's uncomfortable at times.

Let me know where you're at though. Is this idea relevant to you today and if you are trying to do something and it's a bit tough? Have you figured out why it's important for you?

But as always, thank you for reading if you’ve got this far.

I appreciate you taking time out of your day to catch up. I hope you got some little nuggets of food for thought in here.

Have a great week

Matt

🫶

As always let me share some dope things that have been happening the past week

1. Hitting weight goal early

I set myself a goal to get to 90kg by the end of 2023 back in August back then I was around 95kg.

I set a goal which felt doable and a timeframe that I felt comfortable with. I hit 90kg last month at the end of October so I thought I'd challenge myself to see if I could get to 85kg by the end of the year.

I'm well chuffed tbh 🫶.

85kg is the weight I feel the most 'me'.

The journey hasn't been too difficult either if anyone is interested to know what has worked let me know - happy to share and maybe I'll give more details in future.

I think 2024 will be the year I start building muscle 💪 . If you've got any good routines let me know!

Looking for easy, simple & lazy so I don't have to think too much & just do it.

2.  Lifestyle Design Workshop

The past week one of my friends Jordan was doing a workshop on Lifestyle Design. He knew this was my jam so sent out a message to come join.

He's an entrepreneur, made a million by 24 - but more importantly, he's a just super cool dude so I was happy he was doing a bit of a talk and sharing his thoughts and ideas.

Here are a couple of things that stood out for me.

Who not how

This was one of his key points and something I realised that I struggle with. I don't find it easy to ask for things. I've spent most of my time figuring things out and struggling behind the scenes. The idea behind this is who can you ask that can take you to the next level or have been to that next level?

I wrote some names down, but again I feel like I wouldn't even know what to ask. But there's an idea in there that people can, or will want to help. Sometimes they just don't know how to help.

So this is something I'm going to be thinking about a bit more.

Connecting with other people with similar mindsets

The next biggest take away I got was just being around people who have a similar mindset of wanting to create and design a life that makes them happy.

I'd say it's more common in Bali for sure. But I'm naturally introverted so don't normally go to meetups and events that often.

But going to this one was an eye-opener to me that there is more people out there who I'd love to meet, have chats with and just get along with.

As introverted as I am at times - my best memories are with people. So I know it's on me to get out there a bit more.

What I found was there were other people out there who I've been wanting to meet and connect with.

Entrepreneurial, and lifestyle-focused but also have a tad of spiritualness to them (not woo-woo but just that there is more to life). I'm still figuring it out but I've met a few people like this over the years and I'm excited to get to connect with more as I push the boundaries of my introversion.

3. Long-form 'Podcast' incoming

I've been working up the courage to put together a 'Podcast'. I put it in brackets because it's called that. But in reality, all I see this being is a chance to sit down and have some lovely chats with people I respect, admire & am inspired by.

No, I won't be chatting with big names Elon Musk, Jurgen Klopp - although I wouldn't say no.

I've met some really cool people over the years and more than that I believe everyone has incredibly interesting stories to tell.

My goal is to let these people shine and tell their stories and ideas.

As much as an introvert as I am, I do love talking to people and just asking questions so podcasts seem like a perfect fit for this.

I've bought some more filming gear, got some more software and I'm all ready to go.

I'll capture all the best bits into little clips that I'll share across the socials and maybe eventually post the longer form chats.

My hope is there will be things in there that you will love and find interesting too.

Lifestyle chats, alternative career paths, people thinking differently and living in their own unique way.

The goal is for it to be interesting, funny and light at the same time.

To go deep with topics and open up, but for it to feel all warm, fuzzy, funny and hopeful by the end.

I'm super excited to get started and will be curious to know what you think!But that's all folks for this week

Wishing you a great week ahead.

Chat soon

Matt

🫶

P.s  Stay awesome  ❤️